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The Innate Desire to Help

I'd like to tell you a story about the absurdity of the shared human experience in everyday life. The scenario I’m about to describe is a true story and my gut says it’s happened to you at some point. This is a story about how small gestures in chaotic spaces can reveal something deeply human.


The Scene

It’s Monday morning. You're expecting a USPS package delivery but all you get is the dreaded pink slip giving you no clues as to what happened. All you know is it’s somewhere in one of the local post offices. You call USPS customer service. After 15 minutes of waiting with your choice of contemporary hold music (which never changes thereafter), you realize you’re in this for the long haul. You want your package and you’re not giving up.


After 35 minutes of hold music and singing made up lyrics to the melody, someone finally answers and tells you where your package is. You make plans to go the next morning as soon as the post office opens at 8:30am.


It’s 8:30am on Tuesday morning and you’re just starting breakfast. You change plans to pick up the package after lunch. You think, “That makes sense right? Everyone is back at home or their desk at the office, not at the post office.”

a line at the post office with no employees at the counter

You arrive at the post office to find a giant line of people who all look miserable and not a single employee in sight. It’s almost 80 degrees inside with no AC and stagnant air fills your nostrils. Joining the line feels futile, maybe even a bit like torture. You even consider getting back in the car and leaving but you stay because you think, “I drove all the way here, there's no way I’m leaving now.”


An employee emerges after a few minutes. “Yes! Okay, we have signs of life, maybe this will go fast now,” is what you think. But it does not go fast. Not even close.


Fast forward - it’s now been 35 minutes; you’re so relieved you brought your earbuds because the line has barely moved. Instead, it was split in two, for either a pickup or drop-off. As people continue to walk in, you observe a pattern emerging. Most of them are confused, and you have a choice to help them understand which line is which or keep to yourself and let them figure it out on their own. Which do you choose?


The Moment of Choice

a road splitting into two arrows pointing left and right

In my case, I chose to help them. I felt their confusion so clearly that my instinct to help took over. I relate with that confusion - that specific moment when you’re looking for anyone in the crowd of people to guide you, even just a little. The employees certainly weren’t going to help. And most people in the lines kept to themselves.


After some time, I stopped waiting for newcomers to be confused and proactively explained the situation. In the end, I spent 80 minutes in line and got my package. What made it tolerable? The awesome music in my ears, obviously. And perhaps the opportunity to make this moment slightly less confusing for the people behind me. Was this from a place of empathy, a sense of duty, or discomfort with chaos? Maybe "all of the above"?


All I know is that if I have the knowledge and opportunity to prevent the same confusion I experienced, why wouldn’t I help?


The Psychology of Helping (The Desire to Help)

Helping others avoid mistakes is a form of prosocial behavior - actions intended to benefit others, expecting nothing in return. It can be driven by avoidance to risk, heightened error detection, empathy, moral reasoning, or a desire to reduce collective discomfort. For many of those reasons, it is deep within my nature to want to help people avoid unnecessary confusion, mistakes and detours.

a person reaching out for help and a hand offering help with a light between the hands

People who have the desire to help will notice subtle cues of confusion and distress and usually feel compelled to intervene, even in low-stakes situations like my visit to the post office. We were all suffering there together. I figured I might as well help others avoid stepping further into confusion. I don't even remember thinking it was a choice.


Why Many People Don’t Help and Why It’s Okay

  • The bystander effect – the presumption that “someone else will help”, leading to collective inaction

  • Fear of being wrong, intrusive, or judged

  • Social anxiety or discomfort with public speaking

  • Presumed obligation to continue helping

  • The reciprocity trap – we are wired to expect help if it is given and if that doesn’t happen, it can lead to thinking that helping is futile


With all of those reasons considered, I must also state that there’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing not to help. Not everyone wants the pressure of the spotlight and it's completely understandable. And you know what? Anyone at the post office who thought “Someone else will help” was actually right. I did help and I’m sure they were happy about it, too.


The Human Element

In a world filled with confusion and chaos, helping others find a path through it is a form of resistance to dehumanizing systems that continue to grow in number. Reducing the ever-present likelihood of mistakes in our collective future is part of what drives me. It’s a sort of liberation from the chains that keep us from a level of knowledge which we are all capable of reaching. All it takes is a nudge in the right direction and meeting others at a very honest level of understanding.

a hand pointing to a screen with circles radiating around

In my time as a Microsoft 365 advisor, I often see this same dynamic play out - people navigating complex and unfamiliar systems, unsure where to start, what’s relevant, or even what’s possible. They’re waiting for someone to meet them at their level - a level where they feel comfortable and open-minded enough to admit their true knowledge level and learn something new.


The human element is what makes powerful technology usable. Sometimes, what people need isn’t a tutorial or a roadmap. They need someone to notice and offer a guiding light. That’s what I try to do - not just configure and build solutions but reveal the safest path through the chaos of our constantly evolving technological landscape.


If you find yourself lost while learning Microsoft 365 and need a nudge in the right direction, I’m here and ready to help.

Do you need help? Send me a message:

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